I’ve had a lot of expectations in life while maturing as an adult woman. I thought by age 25 I would be moved out of my parent’s house, with my own home and all my college loans paid off. I thought that a dog would take up a lot of my time and traveling would take up the rest of my time (with, of course, my dog being in good hands while I was gone). I thought my friends wouldn’t still be dramatic like they were in high school. And I thought a guy could set the mood for us to have sex in a very slick and pleasing way.
Well, I was wrong. All of those things have yet to happen.
Let’s focus on the slick and pleasing sexy time for a minute (or, for, well, this entire article). Men just don’t know how to pull it off, or should I say most men don’t know how to pull it off. They either go right for the goal, or they use poor tactics that don’t turn us women on at all. And, what’s worse is that women will continue to say that their guy does the right things for them, when it’s obviously not true!
Okay, so I’m sounding cruel. I apologize, guys. I do appreciate that you’re still putting in that effort. I also appreciate that you’re trying your hardest to not be creepy and annoying about it. However, I just think you’re all going about it the wrong way. So that’s what I’m here for, as always. Let’s check out the ways you can initiate sex without making things weird between you and your partner.
Don’t be afraid to be obvious about it.
With that being said, I want to add in that you can be cheesy and/or corny while doing this. Go all out if you can. Light some candles. Massage her body. Dim those lights. Buy aroma therapy oils that will relax her mind and body. Send her nice and naughty texts. Hell, do it all. It’ll be worth it. No woman in history has ever been known to complain about a man doing ‘too much.’
Have fun with it!
Some men are shy when it comes to showing their partner that their horny. Believe me, it happens more often than you think it does, actually. So, if you’ve been rejected in the past, or if you’ve been known to laugh while trying to be sexy, don’t sweat it. These are both examples of things that stop you from expressing how horny you are to your partner. Instead, laugh, giggle, and be funny during the situation. Being funny is sexy. Sex should be fun.
So, to start being funny with your partner, try something new. For example, throw on a pair of bright pink boxers and take a quick picture of you in them, and only them. Sport a sly, but sexy smile to the camera, and send it via text ASAP. This can also be done using costumes, bathing suits, new outfits, etc. Be creative with it.
Don’t hold back on the verbal communication.
Science has proven it time and time again: Men are more visual, and women are more auditory. So, in other words, this means that men are motivated through visuals and women are motivated through words. And although women are better at configuring words together than men are, it doesn’t mean men can’t own up to the challenge and exceed expectations.
If you’re the one trying to initiate sex next time, use your words. Instead of going straight to the foreplay portion of the scene, say something sexy first. Then start on your actions. For example, tell her how good she looks or how much she turns you on.
Don’t shy away when it’s time to have sex, be brave.
It can be scary to constantly be the only one putting yourself out there and asking for sex from your partner. I get it. This is especially upsetting if your partner keeps rejecting you time after time, considering you’ll lose confidence and not want to try any longer.
However, there is a way to combat this in a relationship. Sit down with your partner and ask them what turns them on specifically. You can also ask them what time of the day they are turned on the most. Once you start talking, you’ll probably get to the root of rejection and start to spark up your sex life.
Be aware of the situation.
I know this one sounds like an obvious but hear me out for just a minute.
If you’re trying to set the mood the right way, you have to be aware of the situation and your surroundings. This includes timing, too. Let’s take a look at a quick example:
Imagine your girlfriend is cooking a lovely dinner for the two of you. She has spaghetti in the pot boiling with grilled chicken in a pan on the side and steamed broccoli on the back of the stovetop. Now, you’re immediately turned on because she hardly ever cooks, so you think it’s a good idea to go up to her and show her how much you appreciate her. You pull her hair aside and kiss her neck while she’s flipping the grilled chicken. BAD IDEA. This could really burn her and/or you, cutting sex out of the equation for the entire night. On the other hand, if she’s doing dishes and you do the same action, she’ll likely be turned on and want to pause what she’s doing to follow you to the bedroom.
Other situations where you can approach her like this are when she’s reading a book at night, when she’s about to hop in the shower, and when she’s waking up to a day off. Other situations where you shouldn’t approach her like this are when she’s preparing for a huge meeting at work, when she’s in a rush to attend a planned dinner, and when she’s trying to get organized for the planned vacation ahead. There’s more, but I think you get the point.
Hope this helps!
By Jenny Lyn