Just because you are in a committed relationship with someone doesn’t mean you should stop buying them gifts. But, what should you get for them after you are past the dating and honeymoon stages? How do you make sure this gift will make them happier than they already are? Whether it’s a holiday, their birthday or you are just feeling in the gift-giving mood, you can find the right gift for your significant other. Here are some tips to help.
GIVE THEM WHAT THEY WANT
When you are giving a gift, you should put yourself in the other person’s perspective. If you know the person you are buying for loves technology, don’t give them a bouquet of flowers (even if your significant other is a woman). She wants items that are tech-related. These don’t have to be expensive items, though. You can get mouses, flash drives or other inexpensive tech. Similarly, if your boyfriend loves flowers, don’t get him gadgets even if you’ve found the coolest smartwatch that has ever been invented.
When you buy gifts you don’t want the person to begin thinking about your good intentions. When they are having to excuse you for your gift with words like, “It’s the thought that counts”, you have brought the wrong gift.
To get some great gift-giving ideas, focus on your partner’s interests, hobbies, or values. Make sure when you are browsing through the stores you are looking for something that is personal to the love of your life. Get what makes them happy, not yourself.
ALWAYS HAVE A GIFT AVAILABLE
For this tip, you may want to go full-on “selling out of the trunk of my car” with how many gifts you may have stashed in there. With new relationships or established relationships, you may be unsure if a gift is needed. Or, your partner may say they do not want a gift. It is recommended to ignore these sentiments and have a gift prepared anyway if your partner changes their mind. If someone offers you a gift, you will want to have one available. This can protect you from hurting their feelings or cultivating a one-sided relationship.
Small gifts you can stack up on are candles, movie ticket vouchers, wine, and small tech devices. With these gifts, you could also leave cards and maybe even tiny gift bags. To make them more personal, you can even wrap the gifts ahead of time and pull them out when an impromptu gift-giving session crops up.
While you should not make a habit of keeping secrets from your partner, gift-giving is that exception. Most people love secrets. It builds suspense and when the tension is finally broken, they get an amazing surprise. A 2007 study by Kurtz, Wilson, & Gilbert showed that most people enjoy getting one gift out of two as a surprise more than receiving both gifts if they already know about the gifts. So, people would willingly take less physical gifts if you add the gift of surprise.
To boost your partner’s enjoyment, don’t tell them what their gift is. If they have given you a recipe of what they would like, add in smaller gifts to surprise them. When they ask what his other gift is, keep them in the dark. The teasing and uncertainty will heighten their enjoyment. Just make sure the smaller gift is something they would like as well. You don’t want them to open the surprise and be disappointed.
ALLOW OTHER PEOPLE TO RECIPROCATE
Relationships are built on giving and taking. People like to know that they can offer you benefits. Only those who are bent on cultivating an unhealthy relationship value taking and taking and taking some more. Jecker and Landy looked at the psychology of relationships and found that people care more about you when they invest in you. Rather than being overly nice and denying others the pleasure to help you be happier, let them get you things. For that matter, don’t be afraid to tell others what you want. When people receive a list of things you want, they have to invest more time and effort to get the “order” correct. By telling others what you want, this shows that you value your own desires and have self-worth.
Insisting on being the only giver may make others feel left out of the relationship. Share the altruistic pleasure by letting others do things for you.
Gratitude is a great way to stay connected with your significant other. Even if you do not get a gift or give one, you can still show you are happy to have them in your life by giving your attention, time, and consideration.
When you give someone a gift, whether tangible or intangible, and they respond with ungratefulness, keep an eye on other behaviors. If this person is acting entitled and taking you for granted in the beginning they will most likely just go downhill from there.
While gift-giving may seem like a big deal, stressing over it does not have to be your reality. Just remember these five tips:
- Buy the gift your partner wants, not what you want.
- Keep gifts in your trunk or some other handy place.
- Surprise your significant other.
- Allow others to invest in you. Let them give to you.
- Show your appreciation when someone does something for you. Also, make sure others show you gratefulness.
Enjoy your relationship and all the pleasant emotions that come with giving and getting gifts. Just keep in mind that not all gifts can be held or bought at the store. Time, effort, and attention are amazing gifts you can’t buy. Appreciate them whenever someone gives them to you.