You can’t help but feel inadequate when your lady doesn’t “get off” during your steamy sex session. It was amazing for you, but for her it was just “alright”. There’s a bit of awkwardness in the air, and you can’t help but feel responsible for her lack of pleasure. The key thing to remember here is that there are many factors into making a lady cum and it’s not entirely your fault. Yes, there are some things you can do to make it happen, but there are also some reasons that you may not have even considered that could be holding her back.
1. She’s distracted
This is by far THE MOST likely reason she’s not reaching that climax. Literally anything from the stove being on, to her roommate being in the next room could distract her from fully letting go. Think about this for a second, when you feel like you’re about to get a boner, you’re thinking sexy thoughts aren’t you? Well how do you get that boner to go away? You think about unsexy thoughts like your dad sitting on the toilet or the square root of 21. The thing is, her mind might be occupied with a flurry of thoughts and she just can’t get in the moment with you. Many of these thoughts could be about her how she looks or maybe they’re thoughts like “oh god, I hope my roommates don’t wake up from the noise we’re making”. You can help her get in the moment by engaging in dirty talk to kill those distractions. Keep her engaged and turned on with lines like “You have such a beautiful body” or “Does that feel good?”.
2. She doesn’t know you
Having an orgasm on the first date is nothing short of a miracle. 60% of women report not being able to reach orgasm when having sex for the first time with a new partner. When you’re with someone new, you’re a little bit more guarded. You’re not sure if they fully approve of or accept you yet. This is where your words of encouragement come in. You need to make her feel like she’s the best thing since sliced bread. Lay down ALL the compliments. Make her feel like you’ve been waiting your whole life to be with someone like her. Giving her this reassurance will help her relax and will remind her not to worry about what you think of her body because obviously you think she’s an absolute queen.
3. Too hard, too fast
You might be going a little too hard too quickly. When you start to finger and tease her pussy it’s always best to start with a lighter touch. If you are too rough from the start, you aren’t giving her time to build her arousal. Yes, it might feel good but you always want to “build up” to more intense play to make sure you don’t hurt any of her lady parts. A light back and forth motion coupled with light small circular motions are best when you start playing with her clit. Rub very lightly back and forth about ten times and then start stimulating her g-spot by making a “come hither” motion in the vaginal opening. You can use your tongue to achieve this gentle stimulation as well. Alternate between these two to get her more and more turned on and remember to keep it light and slow.
4. Not enough foreplay
There’s a reason why women love foreplay so much. It turns them on! Things like stroking her back, kissing her neck, making out, sucking on her nipples, all of these things are helping to build arousal. She needs that time to trust you with her body and to get her wet. Women like to be teased, don’t go in for the kill too quickly. Make her wait. She loves it.
5. Health issues
Certain disorders and health conditions can result in a low sex drive through no fault of her own. There are also certain medications that can affect hormones, which in turn down regulates the sex drive. Anti-depressants are especially notorious for this. It can be frustrating for her because neither of you are doing anything wrong, she just can’t come because her body won’t let her. Don’t poke her about it. It can be a sensitive subject. She may or may not decide to tell you. If she does, it’s a very good sign that she trusts you. Just remember, not all is lost, you just have to take extra care to make sure she feels comfortable and has built up enough arousal. Follow the advice previously mentioned in tip numbers 1,2,3 and 4. The sex drive is still there, it’s just lowered.
6. You are being ADD
Switching between too many sexual activities too quickly will decrease the chance of her having a proper orgasm. If you don’t spend enough time on a certain activity, such as oral, you aren’t giving her the opportunity to get aroused. Stick to an activity and let it ride out for a while.
7. She already masterbated that day
Yes it applies to women as well. When you already had that “release”, it can be harder to build up that energy again. Remember though, no shame in the masterbation game.
8. She doesn’t want to have sex
Sometimes R&R wins over S&M. When you’ve had a long and stressful day, sex may be the last thing you want to engage in. If she clearly doesn’t want to have sex, tricking her into it will usually result in a lack luster experience. Both parties should be “into it” and ready to go. If she gives you the “excuse” that she’s too tired or “not feeling it”, she could be experiencing physical or mental exhaustion. Offer to help her talk through what’s bothering her and maybe with the weight off her shoulders, she’ll get on the sex train with you.
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