Like any other undertaking, a strong and healthy relationship requires hard work. It takes an investment of time and emotions. No matter how madly in love the two of you are, differences in sex preferences come up from time to time. This may not be a problem in the first few months but as you move onwards and get to know your partner more, you’ll find the weird things they do that totally get the best of you.
Yet, experts say that communication is key to getting past the difficulties that beset each relationship. Talking about tricky topics, especially the ones that concern what’s going on under the sheets, makes a world of difference. Make sure to talk with your partner about the following things.
1. Setting boundaries
Healthy relationships are strengthened by healthy individuals. This means as a couple, each of you preserves your own individuality by doing only the things that make you comfortable. Setting boundaries for things that create discomfort is important to maintain mutual respect. Thus, it’s only fair to ask your partner how far they can go when you want to try something new, and vice versa.
Anybody can have sexual fantasies that may seem uncommon. But just because it’s something new you assume your partner would not like it. Tell them about your sexual fantasies and ask them about yours. Then see where would you meet. Talking about these things doesn’t mean you’re expecting a yes. This only means you’re open to all possibilities, whether it’s a no, a maybe, or a sweet yes.
2. Setting conditions for safe sex
In every relationship you will have, make it a point to prioritize your sexual health. Regrets would not help when sexually transmitted disease hits you. Tell your partner about your safe sex practices. It’s much better if both of you agree to have yourselves tested. This could be a touchy subject, but doing this will save you from unnecessary misery. Be grateful when your partner asks you to have a test.
Likewise, if you feel your partner should have one, tell them in a manner that will offend them less. Discussing the importance of a healthy body and safe sex is a great habit before going under the sheets. This way you know if your standards for sex match with that of your partner’s.
3. Feeling stuck in a rut
As you move on with your relationship, you will inevitably come to a point where sex becomes a pattern. You tend to stick to one routine or one position because you feel it’s the ‘normal’ thing. Doing the same thing over and over again leaves no room for excitement. There’s nothing wrong with indulging in sexual fantasies as long as both of you agree into it. You need to spice things up a bit to get out of the rut. If fulfilling your sex fantasy is one way of doing it, so be it.
Others do it by having a bucket list of their sex fantasies, like anal sex, sex toys or threesome. For more exciting ideas, you can read together books that cater to these topics. Gather ideas to improve your sex life and discuss the available options.
4. Setting aside time for sex
How often do you want to have sex? Most men want sex as often as they want. This is the most common belief, to say the least. If this is you, you should consider how often your partner wants it. Would it be every other night or a minimum of three times a week? Consider your partner’s schedule and availability.
Men can take it personally when their partner says no. They assume it as a rejection. The truth is, their partner is just tired or maybe beating a deadline. Both of you must be clear with your schedule because giving in to sex out of an obligation can feel like pressure.
5. Having sexual dysfunction issues
Sexual dysfunction can take its toll, especially when either of you is under stressful situations or taking medications. However, if the dysfunction continues, you may need to seek professional help. Some men want to deny the real situation by trying to push harder. But the more you deny it, the more you’re hurting the relationship. Admit to your partner your problems. Surely, they’re willing to help you and support you in seeking professional help.
6. Assuming exclusivity
Some women assume that their partner is dating exclusively with them. If you think you’re not into an exclusive relationship or you’re not ready for a committed one, tell your partner openly about it. It’s better to be honest than allow them to assume something that you’re unable to do. If they’re okay with a relationship that is filled with sex but with no strings attached, you’d be more open whenever you’re dating someone else.
Similarly, if you want them to stop dating another guy, be clear about your stand. This saves both of you from emotional breakdown whenever someone comes along.
7. Declining sex drive
If you’re not in the mood, say so. Saying no can be hard when you want to please your partner the best you can. Yet doing something out of compliance can hurt your emotional connection. Being honest with what you’re feeling at the moment is the best answer you can give them. Not that you’re letting them down but because your body isn’t prepared for some kind of action. Provide them an honest reason. Give them the assurance that you still care even if there’s no sex through cuddling and touching. Better yet, give them a specific time as to when you want to have sex to build their excitement.
Factors like the menstrual cycle, stress levels, medications, sleep habits, moods, and exercise can affect both of your sex drives. Being open about them can ease the tension away once any of these factors quickly comes up.
8. Going over differences
Naturally, as couples, you have different likes and dislikes. Talking about these things allows you to meet at a common ground. It’s either you or your partner is willing to compromise. Second-guessing can’t help either. The best thing is to ask what turns your partner on and what doesn’t, what they like or dislike. Nonverbal cues can also be of help but getting the word straight from them is the safest move.
9. Scheduling sex sessions
Differences in schedules is another important subject you need to talk about. Your partner may be a morning person, getting up early and leaving for work while you’re still asleep. Your crazy schedules can turn your sex life into a frenzy. In this case, your only option is to talk about it and set a clear schedule for sex.
Get your partner’s attention and don’t wait for either one of you to feel like you’re stuck in a rut. Sex can strengthen your connection, without it, you’ll be like roommates not knowing why you’re there in the first place.